Monday, November 27, 2006

mademoiselle 11/27/2006 04:57:00 PM

prayers answered.

this was so happening.
that i even thought i was dreaming.
he came online yesterday.
asking me if i want to go over Australia to look him up.
and he's paying for my expenses and accomodation and ticket fare. in short is everything.
so i was definately ecstatic to the max.
but whn i told my dad about it. all i received was negative responses.
i mean i know that he's definately worried bout me travelling alone cos i have pretty bad sense of direction.
but i believe this is how i should learn to grow up?
independently i would say.
i was feeling pretty upset so i talked to lord and asked him what should i do cos overall the decision stil lies at my dad's hand.
he should know how much this trip meant to me.
after yearning to see him so much over this stupid year of 2006.
it wasnt easy surviving thru it alone. especially without him ard.
i bet dad knows how much i missed him
cos he missed him too.
he told me that he wished i could grow up faster.
isit so that he can marry me?
is the promise he made a year back a genuine one?
was mom's dream true?
i asked if he had any aussie gf at australia.
and i was full of jealousy seeing his frenster profile with this girl named Sharmaine.
but his answer to my question cleared my doubts instantly.
he told me he was waiting for me.
i was doubting if he was joking.cos u could nv know if he's serious about this as u cant read no expressions thru msn conversation uh.
it all seemed so surreal.
im sinking into a serious and big dilemma.
nt knowing what i shud do.
and desperately wanting to talk to dad about it.
i was chatting on the phone with adele. and she sounded so different somehow.
and she told me that if she were to put her shoes in my dad's, she would definately nt let me go cos im only 16!
and if ben was serious about me. why not he come back to singapore to look me up?
and i really wish i had another alternatives besides taking the plane there alone.
cos its my first time somehow.and im afraid.
it would be really nice if he could come back to singapore and fetch me over there.
but the ticket fares are nt cheap. cos its the new year period.
i might be there after Xmas. cos its summer there now. no snow.not as i expected.
and i would really like to spent Xmas in sg with my church friends.
it would be really fun.
but its gonna be really long.
i was talking to hilary regarding this matter too.
and she said it would be fun travelling alone. and she's been travellin alone since 14!
mann. this really makes me feel so sick.
i really dunno what to do.
and im afraid if dad doesnt allow i might actually sneak there.
i dunno.
i really dun.
i want his approval.
and i want him to know how much this trip meant to me.
and how much benji meant to me too.
sigh..
i should sit down and talk to dad later.
pray hard i get his approval people.

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?Mademoiselle Rachel
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