Tuesday, July 04, 2006

mademoiselle 7/04/2006 06:36:00 PM

chatted with someone part of my past yesterday night.
which is kinda weird as i though i nv wana talk to him again after da breakup.
it feels weird. in a sense da he'd change. and maybe me too. but talking to him is like as thou we are in da past, me being childish and he giving in to me. da memories are kinda sweet. but da fact dat it has ended. i dun wana tink bout it animore.he has a different lifestyle n0w. earning quite a sum of money. having a different talkin style which makes me feel soooooo uncomfy talkin to him.and maybe appearance wise, he'd change too. i dunno. hahs. and he asked me a question which me myself is unsure of.
da question was. if there's a choice for me to make, will i chose him or ben?
and nt being hesitant, i said ben. i duno why i said dat too. maybe im too headstrong?
or nt even taking his question seriously. he said he stil l0ves me. but its nt convincing enough for me to even trust him anymore. da pack of lies he laid in da past makes a big difference,
i dun like to be cheated. to be kept in da dark.
sweet talking was all he did throughout da conversation and i was least interested in those.
i believe dat if someone truely l0ves u, he would have iniated to contact u again but dats nt da case.
maybe is jus an0ther lie of his.
well. i told him directly den i dun have da habit of patching back a relationship of da past as i feel da feeling would nt be genuine anymore. indeed i need accompany. but i guess it takes time to find da right one.
to me. he's jus a friend. nothin much. nth less.
dats jus a part and parcel of life.
i guess im reali being too naiive.
i guess ben will nv be back anymore.
let da l0ve fade with time. but i would clutched onto da sweet memories till my last breath.

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?Mademoiselle Rachel
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